Years ago, I was on a Disney Cruise with my kids.

It was pirate night at sea — the deck transformed into a floating festival. There was music, dancing, fireworks, and laughter everywhere. My kids were in full costume, completely immersed in the moment — singing, shouting, and waving their foam swords like tiny captains commanding the ocean.

Instinctively, I pulled out my phone to take photos and videos. That’s what we do, right? Capture the moment. Preserve it. Share it later.

But as I looked around, something hit me. Every child on that deck was present — eyes wide, taking in every sound and spark. And almost every adult was watching it through a phone screen.

Why was I trying to capture an experience instead of having one?

The truth stung a little. I realized I’d never go back and rewatch those videos. The only time I’d use them would be to show my father a “travel recap,” and even then — he didn’t need the pictures. What mattered was the story, the connection, the memory.

So I put down my phone.

I joined my kids. I danced, laughed, and let the fireworks reflect in my own eyes instead of my camera lens. That night I realized something powerful: Focus matters. Lack of focus robs us of joy.

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The Myth of Efficiency

We tell ourselves multitasking is efficient — that being busy means being productive. But it’s not true.

Our brains can’t actually multitask; they context switch. Each time we shift from one task to another — an email to a Slack message, a proposal to a text, a thought to a notification — our brain burns energy reloading context.

Every switch costs time. Every switch reduces accuracy. Every switch drains focus.

It’s like trying to steer two ships with one wheel — you’re constantly moving, but never in a straight line.

Research from Stanford and MIT consistently shows that people who consider themselves “great multitaskers” actually perform worse on tasks requiring attention and memory. They’re not faster — they’re just more scattered.

The Dopamine Trap

The reason multitasking feels good is chemical. Each time we switch tasks or respond to a notification, our brain releases a burst of dopamine — the neurotransmitter responsible for motivation and reward. It gives us that tiny, satisfying hit that says, “Something happened! You did something!”

It doesn’t matter if that “something” was checking your email or liking a post — dopamine rewards the novelty, not the value.

Over time, our brains start craving those micro-hits of stimulation. We begin to prefer the buzz of distraction over the quiet discipline of focus. Stillness starts to feel uncomfortable. Deep work feels heavy. We start reaching for our phones reflexively, as if silence itself were a problem to solve.

The more we multitask, the more we reinforce this loop. We train our brains to chase stimulation instead of results.

The irony is that multitasking doesn’t make us efficient — it just makes us feel busy. And in that chase for constant “new,” we lose what we actually need most: presence.

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The Psychology of “Busy”

Multitasking feels good because it gives us the illusion of control. We think we’re maximizing time — but what we’re really doing is avoiding discomfort.

Deep focus requires vulnerability. It means ignoring the noise and giving one thing your full attention — which also means risking failure. When we’re fully invested in one thing, there’s nowhere to hide if it doesn’t go well.

So we spread ourselves thin. We check inboxes. We skim Slack. We refresh dashboards. It feels safe because small tasks always deliver small rewards — quick hits of dopamine that reassure us we’re doing something.

But easy tasks rarely create meaningful outcomes. And in chasing the comfort of “busy,” we rob ourselves of depth — and joy.

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The Cost of Split Attention

Whether it’s at work or at home, split attention carries a cost.

In sales, it shows up as missed cues — the slight tone change in a customer’s voice, the pause that hinted at doubt, the question left unasked because you were mentally two steps ahead.

In life, it looks like the parent who films the recital but doesn’t see it, or the leader who half-listens in one-on-ones while skimming emails.

Multitasking doesn’t just divide time — it divides presence. And presence is what people feel.

When we’re distracted, we might complete tasks — but we miss moments. And those moments are where trust, connection, and meaning are built.

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The Hidden Message of Distraction

When we multitask in a meeting or at a child’s event, we’re not just distracted — we’re communicating.

Without saying a word, we send a message: “This moment isn’t important enough for my full attention.”

It’s never our intention, but that’s how it’s received. In a customer meeting, that might come across as indifference. In a family moment, it might feel like disinterest.

Psychologists have found that humans are exceptionally good at detecting attention. Through subtle cues — microexpressions, timing delays, changes in tone — we can sense when someone’s focus drifts. Even over video calls, the brain picks up on it.

Studies in interpersonal communication show that when someone’s attention splits, the listener’s brain mirrors the disconnection. Engagement drops. Trust declines. Empathy decreases.

In other words: when we divide our focus, the other person’s brain feels it.

That’s why multitasking doesn’t just cost productivity — it quietly damages relationships.

We can’t fake presence. People know when we’re not truly there.

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Reclaiming Focus

Breaking the multitasking habit isn’t about time management. It’s about attention management.

1. Do one thing with intention. Before starting a task, decide it’s worth your full attention. Then silence everything else.
2. Use focus sprints. Set a 25- or 50-minute timer. During that window, work on only one thing. When it’s done, take a real break.
3. Practice discomfort. That urge to check your phone? That’s not boredom — it’s withdrawal. Your focus muscle is rebuilding.
4. Reflect daily. Ask, “What did I give my full attention to today?” If the answer is “nothing,” notice it — and try again tomorrow.

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Practical Exercise: The Focus Audit

Try this tomorrow:

1. Block one hour on your calendar labeled “Single-Thread Focus.”
2. Choose one meaningful task — preparing a proposal, planning a customer call, reviewing notes from discovery.
3. Turn off all notifications. Close every tab. Put your phone out of reach.
4. When the hour ends, write down what you noticed. How did your work feel different? Did you think more clearly? Did you see connections you’d normally miss?

Repeat that for a week. You’ll start craving the clarity that comes from doing one thing well — instead of many things halfway.

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Failure as the First Teacher

That night on the cruise still reminds me what I forget too easily: I can’t experience something deeply while trying to capture it for later.

In work, that translates the same way. When I give partial attention, I get partial results. When I’m fully present, I see things others miss — and that difference changes everything.

Focus isn’t just about productivity. It’s about meaning.

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Closing Reflection

“You can do two things at once, but you can’t focus effectively on two things at once.”
— Gary Keller

The illusion of multitasking promises efficiency but delivers emptiness. Presence — real, intentional focus — delivers something much rarer: connection, clarity, and joy.

Because when we stop trying to capture life for later, we finally get to live it now.