For years, I carried a story that quietly shaped how I approached my work.

Early in my career, I had the opportunity to present a major solution design to an executive team. I had spent weeks preparing, checking every number, rehearsing every point. The presentation went well — or so I thought — until one of the executives cut in and asked a question I didn’t have the answer to. I froze for a moment, stumbled through a partial reply, and the meeting moved on.

That moment replayed in my head for months. And somewhere along the way, I turned it into a story: “I’m great at preparation, but I’m not good in the spotlight.”

It wasn’t true — it was one imperfect moment turned into an identity. But the more I repeated it, the more I found evidence to prove it. Every tough question reinforced the belief. Every compliment felt like luck. Without realizing it, I had written a story that limited what I allowed myself to attempt.

It took years — and a lot of coaching and self-awareness — to realize that the story wasn’t fact. It was interpretation. And it wasn’t helping me grow.

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The Stories Beneath Our Actions

Every one of us operates from a story we’ve written — sometimes years ago, sometimes inherited from others. Those stories shape how we show up, how we interpret success and failure, and how we react under pressure.

In sales, this shows up everywhere:

• The seller who believes “customers don’t want to hear from me” stops making calls.
• The SE who believes “I’m just the technical person” avoids business conversations.
• The leader who believes “my team won’t change” stops coaching for growth.

None of those are facts — they’re stories. But once repeated enough, they become reality.

When Results Don’t Match Our Expectations

When our actions don’t produce the results we expect, our minds rush to explain the gap. And more often than not, we fill that gap with a negative story about ourselves:

• “They didn’t respond because I said something wrong.”
• “They chose someone else because I’m not credible enough.”
• “I failed because I’m not good at this.”

We create these stories to regain a sense of control — if we can blame ourselves, at least it feels explainable. But most of the time, those interpretations are wrong.

The truth is, outcomes rarely tell the whole story. The prospect who didn’t call back might be dealing with a crisis at work. The friend who seemed distant might be overwhelmed by their own stress. The “no” you received may have had nothing to do with your performance at all.

When we assume that every missed result is a reflection of our worth, we reinforce a false story that limits future action. A more accurate and freeing story is this: “Not all results are about me.”

That simple reframe restores perspective — and humility. It keeps us open, curious, and emotionally balanced, even when we don’t get the outcome we hoped for.

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The Psychology Behind the Story

Our brains crave consistency. Once we form a belief — good or bad — we start subconsciously collecting evidence to support it. Psychologists call this confirmation bias: the tendency to seek, interpret, and remember information in ways that reinforce what we already believe.

If you tell yourself “I’m not good in the spotlight,” your brain will find proof — every stumble, every awkward pause, every moment you wish you’d answered differently. But you’ll overlook the times you handled pressure well, or the presentations that went great.

Confirmation bias works like a mental filter: it doesn’t change reality, it just decides which parts you see.

The good news? The same mechanism can work in your favor. When you replace limiting stories with empowering ones — “I can stay composed under pressure,” “I bring value to every room I enter” — your brain begins to gather evidence that supports the new story. Small wins become proof. Confidence becomes a self-fulfilling loop.

The story doesn’t just color how we think — it shapes what we see, what we remember, and how we act. Which means that the single most powerful change we can make isn’t external; it’s internal.

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Reframing Perspective to Change Outcomes

Changing the story isn’t about ignoring reality; it’s about choosing a more accurate lens to interpret it through. Two people can face the same setback and walk away with completely different beliefs about themselves — because one focuses on failure while the other focuses on growth.

When we reframe perspective, we stop asking, “Why did this happen to me?” and start asking, “What can I learn from this?” That small shift changes everything.

• Instead of “They rejected me,” try “I learned what didn’t resonate — now I can adjust.”
• Instead of “I wasn’t ready,” try “Now I know what readiness really looks like.”
• Instead of “I failed,” try “That was feedback in disguise.”

The situation doesn’t change — your story about it does. And that new perspective changes how you feel, which changes how you act, which ultimately changes the outcomes you create.

Reframing isn’t pretending everything is positive. It’s about owning what’s true without surrendering control of the narrative.

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Failure as Part of the Story, Not the End

Some of the most successful people I’ve ever met don’t see failure as the end of the story — they see it as a paragraph within a much longer chapter.

Failure is data. It’s feedback. It’s a diagnostic, not a definition. When we reframe failure as a natural part of the process, it loses its power to define us.

Think of failure as the price of admission for growth. You can’t improve a skill you never practice, and you can’t practice without missing shots. The best sellers, leaders, and creators fail often — they just refuse to assign meaning that doesn’t belong there.

Failure says something happened, not something is wrong with you.

When we integrate failure into our story as part of learning, it becomes a teacher rather than a judge. Every setback contains the seed of progress — but only if you choose to write it that way.

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Practical Exercise: Rewriting the Story Together

Our own stories are hard to see clearly because we’re living inside them. To truly reframe, we often need someone else — a friend, mentor, coach, or peer — to hold up a mirror and help us spot what we can’t.

1. Pick one situation where you felt frustrated, embarrassed, or disappointed. Something that still lingers.
2. Tell the story out loud to someone you trust. Describe what happened and how you interpreted it. Don’t edit or justify — just talk.
3. Have them reflect back what they heard. Ask them to highlight the difference between facts and assumptions. You’ll be surprised how often your “truths” are really interpretations.
4. Let them reframe it. Invite them to describe what else could be true — other explanations you didn’t see.
5. Together, rewrite the story. Create a version that’s still honest but rooted in balance and possibility, not shame or fear.

The goal isn’t to sugarcoat the past. It’s to see it more accurately — and to free yourself from a narrative that no longer serves you.

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The Stories We Choose

The most powerful story you’ll ever tell isn’t the one you tell customers, your team, or your friends. It’s the one you tell yourself.

If that story is small, you’ll play small.
If that story is reactive, you’ll stay reactive.
But if that story is grounded in truth, courage, and gratitude — you’ll lead differently, sell differently, and live differently.

Because in the end, the results we create are just the visible evidence of the invisible story we believe.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
— Maya Angelou

Every day, we get to decide whether the story we carry is one that limits us or one that sets us free. Rewrite it, share it, and live it — because your story is still being written.