Early in my career, I made what I thought was a small mistake but turned out to be a big lesson. A client executive asked me to take on work that was clearly outside my role. I didn’t want to let it slide, so I drafted a carefully worded email explaining why I wouldn’t be doing it — and, to make matters worse, I copied his boss on the message.

Within the hour, I got a call from the regional sales director. He didn’t mince words. “Tech folks like you love email,” he said. “But my sales reps? They’re verbal communicators. You never deliver bad news in writing. Pick up the phone. Let them hear your tone. If you ever send an email like that again, you won’t be working here.”

The sting of that moment has stayed with me. What I thought was professional and clear came across as cold and confrontational. I wasn’t just delivering information — I was communicating in the wrong style, and it nearly cost me my job. That experience taught me something I’ve never forgotten: in sales, how you say something matters as much as what you say.

Why Communication Style Matters

Sales is fundamentally about connection. And connection isn’t just about content — it’s about delivery. Some people prefer the clarity of email. Others like the speed of a quick text. Some need the warmth of a phone call or the trust of an in-person meeting. When we mismatch the medium to the person, we create friction. When we match it, we build trust.

Why Matching the Medium Builds Trust

My mistake with that client executive was a perfect example of friction. By sending an email when a phone call was needed, I created unnecessary tension. Instead of hearing my reasoning, the executive heard resistance. Instead of seeing my professionalism, he saw defiance. The content of my message was fine — but the delivery destroyed it.

When we mismatch the medium, people focus on the irritation rather than the message. A detailed email to someone who prefers quick calls feels cold and dismissive. A surprise phone call to someone who values written clarity feels disruptive. The words may be right, but the delivery feels wrong.

When we match the medium, the opposite happens. People feel understood. They sense that we respect their preferences and value their time. That lowers defenses, increases openness, and makes the relationship feel smoother. Psychology calls this psychological safety — when people feel comfortable in the interaction, they are more likely to trust, share honestly, and engage deeply.

In sales, trust is currency. Every time we flex our communication to match the other person’s style, we’re sending a message that goes beyond the words: I see you, I value you, and I’m willing to adapt to you. That simple adjustment builds credibility far faster than a perfectly crafted pitch delivered in the wrong way.

The Psychology Behind Communication Preferences

Psychology tells us that people lean toward communication styles that reduce uncertainty and increase comfort. Personality also plays a role:

• Email – Appeals to detail-oriented or analytical personalities who like time to process and prefer a record of the conversation.
• Texting – Attracts fast-moving, action-oriented people who value speed and dislike formality.
• Phone Calls – Suited for relational personalities who rely on tone, nuance, and empathy to feel connected.
• In-Person Meetings – Preferred by high-trust, relationship-driven individuals or by those making high-stakes decisions where body language matters.

Our brains seek communication that matches how we naturally process the world. That’s why forcing your own preferred style on a customer often creates resistance — it feels “off” to them. Aligning with their style creates ease and trust.

Adapting to the Customer

Great salespeople are flexible communicators. Instead of defaulting to what’s comfortable, they pay attention to how the customer responds. Do they reply instantly to text but never return emails? Do they schedule calls rather than type long responses? Do they light up in person but disengage over video? These signals reveal the path forward.

Practical Exercise: Practice Spotting the Signals

The best way to get better at adapting your communication is to practice. Here’s a simple exercise:

1. Turn to people close to you – Family, friends, or coworkers are perfect test cases.
2. Observe their patterns – Do they text more than they call? Do they leave voicemails or send quick one-liners? Do they prefer face-to-face conversations over digital channels?
3. Compare styles – Try adjusting your approach. If someone always calls you, return with a call instead of a text. If someone loves long emails, mirror that in your replies.
4. Note the results – How do they respond when you mirror their preferred method? Are they faster, warmer, or more detailed in return?

The goal isn’t just to analyze customers — it’s to train your own awareness. By practicing with people you know well, you build the reflex of noticing preferences and flexing to match them.

Spotting Preferences with Limited Communication

Of course, in sales we rarely have dozens of interactions to go on. Often, we’re trying to read the signs after just one or two exchanges. This is where you have to read between the lines:

• Response Time – If they answer short notes quickly but ignore long messages, they likely prefer brevity.
• Message Length – One-line replies suggest a fast, transactional style; detailed paragraphs suggest comfort with email.
• Scheduling Choices – Do they propose a call, or do they say, “Just email me”? Their choice reveals their preference.
• Role and Personality – Executives often prefer concise calls or summaries; analysts lean toward detailed written communication; sales leaders often default to verbal channels.

Even with limited history, these subtle clues are enough to make a good first guess. And if you’re unsure, the simplest path is to ask: “Do you prefer I email you details or give you a quick call?” That small act of respect prevents friction before it starts.

Choosing Connection Over Convenience

We all have a default communication style, but sales isn’t about us — it’s about the customer. By flexing to meet their needs, we not only improve our odds of moving the deal forward, we also strengthen the relationship itself.

In the end, communication is less about the medium and more about the message it sends: I’m willing to adapt to you.