The Power of the 10-Second Pause

I first learned the power of silence from Tim Koishor. In discovery sessions, Tim had a rule: after you ask a question, wait ten seconds. No matter how uncomfortable it felt, no matter how much you wanted to jump in and “help” the prospect along — you had to hold the silence.

At first, it was awkward. Ten seconds feels like an eternity when you’re face-to-face with a customer. But I watched Tim do it over and over, and I saw what happened: the answers that came after the pause were almost always the most insightful. Customers would go beyond the safe, surface-level response and reveal the real issues, the hidden concerns, or the unspoken goals.

If we had filled the dead air with our own voices, we would have missed it. That’s the gift of the 10-second pause: silence creates space for truth to emerge.

Why Silence Works

Silence is uncomfortable. Human beings are wired to fill gaps in conversation. Psychologists call this the discomfort of social silence — the longer it stretches, the more pressure we feel to resolve it.

But there’s more at play:

• Cognitive processing – A thoughtful answer takes time. Pausing gives the other person’s brain space to connect dots and respond honestly.
• The Zeigarnik Effect – People feel compelled to complete unfinished tasks. An unanswered question is a loose end they subconsciously want to close.
• Power dynamics – Whoever controls the silence often controls the conversation. By holding the pause, you demonstrate confidence and patience.

When you give silence room, the answers that surface are usually deeper, more revealing, and far more useful than what you’d get if you rushed to fill the space.

How to Use the 10-Second Pause

1. Ask your question and stop. No qualifiers, no rephrasing.
2. Count silently to 10. It will feel like an eternity — but that’s the point.
3. Hold steady. Resist the urge to explain or soften your question.
4. Let them speak. The silence almost always prompts a fuller, more candid answer.

Try it in discovery. Instead of asking, “What’s slowing down your current process?” and jumping in after three seconds, hold the silence. You’ll be amazed at what prospects reveal when you give them space to think.

After the Answer: Using Silence Again

The pause doesn’t stop once the prospect starts talking. In fact, one of the most powerful moments comes after they finish their response.

When you pause again — just for a few seconds — you create two outcomes:

• They often keep talking. People are naturally inclined to fill space, and the “real” insight often comes after their first, safer answer.
• It shows respect. By sitting quietly for a moment, you demonstrate that you’re processing what they said. This builds trust, signaling that you value their words instead of rushing to the next question or your own agenda.

Tim used to remind us: “The first answer is good, the second answer is gold.” And he was right — the richest insights often came only after that second silence.

Common Pitfalls

• Filling the gap too early – The average salesperson waits only 2–3 seconds before jumping back in. That’s not long enough.
• Rephrasing too soon – A second version of the same question signals doubt and gives the prospect an easy out.
• Breaking eye contact – Stay calm, steady, and attentive. Your presence reinforces that the pause is intentional.

Practical Exercise: Training the Pause Muscle

Like marathon training, building comfort with the 10-second pause takes practice. Here’s a simple exercise you can try this week:

1. Roleplay with a peer – Ask them a discovery-style question. Then force yourself to silently count to 10 before speaking again, no matter how awkward it feels.
2. Use it in everyday life – At home, ask a family member or friend a meaningful question. Notice how often they reveal more when you resist the urge to jump in.
3. Debrief afterward – After a sales call, review: Did you use the pause? What did the silence produce? Did the customer add more detail after their first response?
4. Increase gradually – Start with 5 seconds if 10 feels impossible. Work your way up until the pause feels natural.

With practice, silence will stop feeling like dead air and start feeling like a tool — one that transforms surface-level answers into real insights.

Choosing Silence Over Speed

The 10-second pause feels uncomfortable at first, but the more you practice it, the easier it gets — and the better the answers you’ll draw out.

Next time you’re in a sales call, try it twice: once after you ask the question, and again after the customer answers. The first pause invites honesty. The second pause shows respect and often uncovers more.

Don’t flinch. Don’t rescue them from the silence. Let the moment breathe.

You’ll be surprised how often the most valuable insights arrive… right after the pause.