Lessons we learn from failure

A few years into my career, I faced one of the scariest decisions I’d ever made. I was in a safe, steady job with the State of Ohio — benefits, security, predictable routines. Life was comfortable, and honestly, I thought I was doing “well enough.”

Then an opportunity came along to work as a consultant for IBM. I remember sitting at my kitchen table, staring at the offer, heart racing. I would have to pay for my own healthcare. I’d be responsible for more than just my own work — essentially running parts of a small business. The stakes felt enormous. I could fail. I could look foolish. I could set myself back financially.

And yet… something inside me knew I had to take it. Staying safe wouldn’t teach me anything new.

The first few months were messy. I stumbled, I made mistakes, I felt unsure of myself constantly. Some errors were embarrassing. Some felt heavy, like I’d let someone down. But each mistake pushed me to think differently, act differently, and figure out how to take ownership. I learned how to manage client expectations, navigate big corporate processes, and take responsibility for every part of my work.

Looking back now, those months were some of the most transformative of my career. My resume grew in ways it never could have in a state job. I gained experience at a big company that I couldn’t have imagined otherwise. My finances stabilized, and I even got ahead. But the biggest gift wasn’t money or a title — it was the lessons I learned about resilience, adaptability, and judgment. I couldn’t have learned them in comfort. I had to risk failure to learn them.

Why Failure is a Better Teacher Than Success

Success feels nice, right? It boosts your confidence, makes you feel smart, reassures you that you’re doing the “right thing.” But success rarely pushes you past what you already know. Failure does.

• It teaches self-awareness — you see where your assumptions were wrong.
• It builds resilience — each setback makes you stronger for the next challenge.
• It gives perspective — helping you see what really matters and what doesn’t.
• It fuels growth — every mistake contains a lesson for the next step.

Without the chance to fail, there’s only comfort — and comfort doesn’t make you better.

How We Mask Our Own Failures

One of the sneakiest ways we avoid learning from failure is by masking it from ourselves. We make excuses, rationalize, or blame things beyond our control.

• Blame external factors: “The client didn’t understand,” or “The timing was off,” rather than asking what I could have done differently.
• Downplay the impact: “It wasn’t that important anyway,” which prevents deeper reflection.
• Compare to others: Focusing on what others did wrong instead of looking inward.

When we hide or minimize our own failures, we avoid uncomfortable feelings in the short term, but we also sacrifice self-awareness and growth. Failure only teaches when we confront it honestly, acknowledge our role, and reflect on what we could do differently next time.

Taking Risks That Matter

Avoiding risk keeps life comfortable, but it doesn’t make it rich or meaningful. Taking calculated risks — the ones that make your stomach flip a little — opens the door to growth.

For me, taking that leap from a stable state job to IBM wasn’t reckless — it was a calculated chance to stretch, to see what I was capable of, and to grow faster than I could have imagined.

Inspirational Summary

Failure is not a verdict — it’s the beginning of understanding ourselves more deeply, discovering our capabilities, and seeing opportunity where we once saw only risk. Every mistake carries a lesson, every misstep is a teacher, and every setback is a chance to grow stronger, wiser, and more resilient.

If we embrace uncertainty, take risks, and face failure openly, we unlock lessons that shape our lives and careers in ways that comfort and safety never can. Growth comes not from staying in the familiar, but from stepping into the unknown, learning, and moving forward with courage.